Define Authentic and what it means to me?
Authenticity is something that gives people a breath of fresh air. In conversation, it is the ability to undeniable and true to oneself, their points of view, their characteristics, beliefs, thoughts, and actions.
How does one determine self?
The self, I feel is always there. It is constantly constructed by one’s life. Specific events, specific people, and how we interact with them determines who our self is. George Bernard Shaw says “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
The self is constantly under construction, and it is quite rare that we find someone who is completely satisfied with themselves. Self is demonstrated through thoughts, words, actions, habits, character, and destiny. In that order.
List:
1. People I’ve admired as a kid
a. My Mom, my Step-Mom, my mother’s grandmother, my Aunt Dana and Aunt Jenn, my Uncle Jeremey
2. Theatre Shows I’ve been in / directed:
a. Bye Bye Birdie, Peter Pan, H2$, Paper Mill Show Choir & Conservatories, 4 Showcases, 3 Murder Mysteries, Grease, Wedding Singer, Young Frankenstein, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Bare, Into the Woods, Legally Blonde, Cabaret, Little Shop of Horrors
3. Boys I’ve had crushes on:
a. Sasha, Jake, Mike, Joe, Brandon, Evan, Kevin,Justin,Jared, Timmy, David, Nathan, Jonah, Randy
Description:
Jake, Amy Trapani, Aseem
Jake : Sturgis…., parents were religious, very informal. Tom + Terry were their names, they may have been having a hard time financially. I remember they always had a very serious attitude and would talk to Jake very sternly. Jake’s life was differently mainly in only one aspect. He was very religious and went to church every Sunday, did several things for his church. I’ve never been to church and am very thankful because it allowed me to find my own beliefs and values instead of having certain beliefs recited into me from the day I was born.
Amy: She was a very playful and funny little girl. She didn’t have divorced parents. Her mother was very prominent in her life, I think she was a PTA classroom mom. She would always come in and help out during class events. I think about how I always wished my parents were able to do that but my father was busy working and my mother was … who knows.
Aseem was probably the person that I was the most different from. His familiar upbringing was much different than mine, probably on the basis of religion, home life, and many other things. He’s Indian, and him, Jake, and I were best friends from 3rdgrade on. He unfortunately moved in 4thgrade, but I called him about once a week for a couple months, until we finally lost touch.
Scenes
Preparing for Audition:
I usually prepare by rehearsing by myself for an hour or two beforehand to make sure that I am satisfied with how everything goes before I show it to someone else. Being onstage is something that I love to do because I get to showcase my talent, as well as have the eyes of the entire audience on me watching my every move. Some would find it scary, but it’s eventually rewarding when they applaud for you at the end of every scene. My last show that I was in featured me as Kyle in Legally Blonde, an extremely provocative male character that worked for UPS. He wore super short shorts and a tight shirt that showed off his body. Unfortunately, this was not the lead and I didn’t want this part but the mindset was that “no one else could play the part” so it was given to me. I even said I didn’t want to be considered for it and they still called me back for it. Eventually, I decided to give into it because I thought I would still enjoy the show. That turned out not to be the case for a multitude of reasons, including the last boy on the list of boys I’ve had a crush on.
Moment of Self-Doubt
A recent moment of self-doubt stood when one of my professors asked us to critique a fellow classmate. Constructive criticism, of course Because the girl was my friend and I knew that she wouldn’t be offended, I raised my hand and offered a piece of advice saying that a specific thing she did wasn’t the best and that she could improve in that area. Immediately, I felt the eyes of several dozen people burning into every inch of me. I felt that people had mistaken my honesty and yearn for my friend to grow as an attempt to publicly shame her or humiliate her because I knew more than her, which I do not. I believe I even made a comment similar to “That’s not a mean comment, it’s being honest! We all have things that we need to work on.” But I feel the atmosphere was more of “How could he say that, he isn’t perfect either!”
Reflection
I feel I am very different from the soul that I was when I was younger. The little nuances I had just begin discovering in myself have grown and made me feel as though I am different from every other person I come into contact to. Perhaps it is because I am obsessed with the aspect of uniqueness, and pride myself on being unique. I tend not to focus on the similarities but the differences, because the differences that set us apart from everyone else. It makes us unique, and since there will only ever be one of me in the entire history of the world, I should always focus on what makes me different rather than the same as others. My fear of death pokes its ugly head into the conversation just about now, as I’m sure that it ties into me yearning for differences. I will continue to ponder, analyze, and criticize myself .
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