Intro to Nic Noa

Hey all,

Nic Noa here, hoping to make this obligatory introductory blog post somewhat captivating for you.  Even now as I write this, my first name is underlined with the evil that is the red squiggly line, reaffirming to me, as most people do when they see my name spelt out, that I have been spelling my name differently for me entire life. Before I begin, I feel compelled to share with you something about myself. I love to talk about myself. And frankly, I really don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that. How else are we supposed to better ourselves as people and grow unless we are constantly observing ourselves, our actions and interactions, and the very events that defined who we’ve become? Through conversation about myself, through journaling about my life and constantly reviewing and understanding where I’ve come from and who I am, I’m better equipped to understand my strengths and weaknesses, to conquer my fears and insecurities, and to allow my future self to flourish.

With that being said, I’ve chosen to zoom in on two simple characteristics of myself that have shaped a majority of my life. The first is that my parents are divorced. The second is that I’m gay. As I’ve gone through recent years of my life, I’ve come to understand that while many other people have divorced parents and are queer (which is the umbrella term for anything that is not cisgender or straight), these two characteristics have molded me into the person you met earlier on this week.

Being the child of a failed marriage is something that each person has to come to on their own. My parents divorced when I was five years old, and since I was so young my memories of my mother and father together are limited to fingers one a hand, and not every finger is used. I have a couple of photos, but almost my entire life my mother and father have been separate entities in my mind. As a child who was so young, I could never fully understand what it truly meant when “mom and dad no longer lived together”. It started off meaning that I had two of everything. Two bedrooms, two houses, two birthdays’, and two of every holiday. Once Dad got remarried, I had another mother figure in my life. She was only 13 years older than me, but nonetheless helped to raise me. My least favorite holiday, you ask? Mother’s Day. Like every other holiday, Mother’s Day was split between my mother and step-mother, ineffectively granting them both the opportunity to see me but preventing me from spending an adequate amount of time with either of them. My mother, unfortunately has not had the easiest life, and has not been a large part of mine due to her own personal issues. 

Once my Dad married my step-mother, she began to help him raise me and my sister.  From his second marriage resulted two of the most wonderful things that have ever happened to me: the birth of both of my younger siblings. Growing up, my older brother and sister were not the warmest siblings towards me. They, like my mother, had substance abuse issues and it destroyed most of their relationships. With the births of my younger two siblings, I put substantial time and energy into my relationship with them, as both of my relationships with my older siblings are virtually non-existent. Unfortunately, I was taught through my older siblings exactly not how to live through seeing their relationship with me vanish, and the possibility of it ever returning getting slimmer and slimmer with each passing day. My step-mother and Dad are very important to me as well, and I aspire to become like each of them in differing ways. Dad works 16 hour shifts most days, and Kotoe, my step-mother (I figured I should introduce her somewhere), has been chasing her passion of dance ever since high school and is a professional ballerina with the New Jersey Ballet. Each of them has instilled in me that perseverance pays off, and above all else it is determination that will grant someone success.

Upward and Onward. Pssst, I’m Gay, with a capital G, because it’s important to me. Now, I’m not going to assume (because we all know what happens when we do that...), but some straight folks are often very judgmental of queer people who use gay/bisexual/transgender as an adjective to describe themselves. Common quotes include, but are not limited to “I support the gays but why do they keep throwing it in our faces?”or, “I don’t go around telling people I’m straight, why do you go around telling people you’re gay?”“ Unfortunately, I cannot dive into why those quotes are problematic as of now because there is still a lot more to cover, but if you’d like to talk more about it, definitely don’t hesitate to ask! 

The simple truth of the matter is this: being openly and unapologetically gay in a world where queer citizens in other countries are punished with incarceration or death is an act of rebellion against the system.Having started to come out as a Freshman in high school, I finally began to reveal myself to the world. No more hiding. No more fear. If you noticed, I said “having startedto come out”and not “when I came out”. This is because as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, we never stop coming out. I came out first to Giancarlo during the introduction exercise, and then to all of you when Giancarlo described me as a “Gaytheist”. This one trait has shaped a lot in my life, including my friend group (consisting of mostly women and gay men), my hobbies (theatre and music, since they are representative of voicing a positive and accepting environment for all people), and through my hobbies, I have found my career. I’ve chosen to professionally major in Music, with the goal of becoming a high school choir director. Last year, I took a class called Introduction to Culture & Diversity in the classroom, where we discussed students and how their socio-economic class, gender, race, sexual orientation affects their learning environment. Through the course, I learned about myself as a gay man that I myself am internally homophobic. I at times think that some gay men are too “effeminate”or am judgmental myself towards gay men. As much as it is not fun to say or hear, this is the reality that I must deal with and face about myself. Running away from reality does not make it any less real, it only delays the positive changes that can result from actively attempting to fix the problem. 

So, when a straight person says I’m “shoving my sexuality down their throat”, or asks that I “tone down my gayness”, I remind myself that there are countries with laws intact that want to eradicate people like myself from existence. There are people who are so afraid to show physical affection to their partner for fear of being physically assaulted. There are children like Jamel Myles, who on August 23^rd, 2018 committed suicide at 9 years old because he was verbally harassed at his elementary school for telling other students that he was gay. This is why I say I am gay. I say I am gay for all of the people who were put to death by their countries. I say I am gay for all of the people who are afraid that coming out to their parents will result in them being kicked out of their homes. I say I am gay in remembrance of those who we have lost. I say I am gay for every person who is still mustering up the courage to say it themselves.